I'm 27 and I Have a Bucket List!?

After about an hour delay, I walked into the room to begin my fifth treatment of 33. But during the delay, I had a conversation with one of the radiation techs and another with a fellow patient who is fighting prostate cancer. As a somewhat amusing aside, proton therapy is probably the best radiation available for prostate cancer, so I’ve seen many men walking about gripping the back of their gowns as they apparently have to endure a rectal probing throughout treatment; meanwhile I get to wear whatever I want (I guess brain cancer may have a higher fatality rate, be more difficult to treat, and so on, but at least receiving treatment sounds much more bearable from a probing perspective).

Anyhow, back to the conversations… First I spoke with the tech, a guy a few years younger than me, who told me that I was both an inspiration and a revelation (as he could just as easily be in my shoes). He told me that he loved his job because of the awe-inspiring positive attitudes that radiate (pardon the pun) from the patients who seem to do the best during and after treatment, and I most definitely presented one of those positive attitudes. Then, as I continued to wait, I had a long discussion with my new found friend, a 61 year old man fighting prostate cancer. We again discussed the importance of boasting positivity and maintaining a sense of humor throughout the (necessary) humiliation that our cancerous bodies must endure (this is where I learned about the probing, which seems to go well with the star trek-esque radiation beam). We have to reveal potentially embarrassing information to strangers (granted, most often they are medical professionals, but it can still be awkward), but again, we (cliché alert!) make light of the situation, perhaps because we wish to hold face, but more so because we have a different perspective on life (for example, how often do you see a commercial about creating a “bucket list” as opposed to preparing for retirement?). The thought of already listing out things I’d like to do before I die is as much stressful and mind-numbing as it is exhilarating and freeing. I know that I have an excellent chance to beat this disease, but more importantly, I’ve figured out the things that I cherish the most: family and friends (they are essentially the same in my book), helping others, and not worrying about money and other petty crap. That essentially comprises the key elements of my “list,” though there are a few other lower-priority items.

What I’ve learned the most from this situation is that the most valuable things in my life aren’t material… well I guess in a chemical/biological composition sense they are, but you get the point. People, and my interactions with them, are my most valued “possessions.” I have my blood relatives, close friends, and even many friends I’ve met online, who are always supporting me and reaching out to me; I have a family in Pittsburgh who has gone well above and beyond anything I would expect from them as they attempt to simultaneously earn a Master’s Degree, or teach classes to said students, but they’ve found opportunities to send me care packages on multiple occasions, including funny notes, music, cookies, hats and a plethora of other things, and some even drove several hours to my home to visit me and join me in "the walk ahead for a brain tumor cure"; and of course, what would I do without the most amazing group of medical personnel, who each have embraced (and often matched) my high-maintenance personality, as well as gotten me this far.

I guess my bucket list isn’t so much a “to-do” list as a “to-appreciate” list.