Update via poetry

Happy December 26^th and hope you all had a wonderful 25^th!

Today I thought I’d share a poem I scribbled together last night about how I might describe fighting cancer, or any other illness for that matter really (sorry in advance if you have to use a dictionary… I like to flaunt weird vocab. on occasion)… so here it is:

Survival

Mind enshrined in a cocoon, blindness.

Contortions strengthen will.

Body cannot escape its weakness,

Imperfections in life fulfill.

Goals exceed foresight,

The blinded mind must unwind.

For there is monumental might

That open eyes can find.

Equilibrium insists on entropy,

Turbulence, turmoil… tenacity,

Harsh, enduring hostility.

Perceive the plan.

Proceed to pugnacity.

Persistence… Perseverance…

So, thinking about what I go through each day reminds me to accept that I must embrace my illness in order to defeat it. It’s a constant battle within my body, balancing chemicals, emotions (neurotransmitters and what not if you’re feeling nerdy), and to endure these constant changes requires that I learn my body very well, and react accordingly when things start to get out of whack. As an example of this knowledge I’ve gained, on Thursday I explained to my nurse that, although normally my “chemo” should cause hypertensive symptoms, I’ve learned that I experience quite the opposite. My blood pressure before receiving treatment was somewhere around 155/100, which caused the docs to consider holding off treatment until it dropped to a “safer” reading. But what I’ve found out for me is that my blood pressure continually drops to a rather healthy sounding 110/65 (ish) during treatment… my nurse was quite surprised about how well I knew my body, as of course my blood pressure reacted accordingly. But I think taking these extra steps and being proactive about my care by sharing what I know to be consistent about my body with the medical staff helps them to better care for me, and moreover helps me to accept when things in my life are out of my control. The point is, in my experience, survival is about being persistent in the fight, and using every resource available (including my eyes, in reference to the poem, and my other senses) to make it easier on those that are helping me. As a side note because I know some of my caretakers read this, thanks for putting up with me and my constant attempts to be a know-it-all… Fortunately, I’m generally told when I’m wrong anyway (not that it occurs very often… *wink*).

Hope you enjoyed this and here’s to another fun week in Bloomington for me and to a great week for you wherever you are!